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How to insist on your

 

Tactics leading to a negative result

As a rule, it is very difficult for people with unsettled personal emotional space to recognize when to defend, when to attack, and when no one declared war on them. Each new negative experience only adds "to the piggy bank", and then often "shoots" in the most inappropriate case.

Do not draw conclusions from the particular to the general. Even if someone used you once, it’s not a fact that in a similar situation, another person will pursue the same goal. If you notice an aggressive reaction to someone's insistent requests, such as “that you are pushing me!” - think about it! Is the person really pressing you or are you just projecting your negative experience on him? This is very important, because if you think that by stating your needs, the people around you are under pressure, you will not clearly state your own needs, not wanting to be accused of such pressure.

There is also the other side of the coin: to start a “war” where there is none. That is, initially you speak about your desires with aggression and anger, as if you have already been refused in advance and more than once. Thereby, you hide your fear of being rejected and misunderstood, because defense, as we know, is the best attack.

How to change

In fact, you need to be aware that this world is not always friendly, and your needs, in fact, can cause someone a negative reaction. However, this is absolutely not your problem. It is important to do everything to be heard. This will help a simple and constructive dialogue.

You can calmly and confidently say that you want (or, on the contrary, what you no longer want) in a relationship with this person. It can be anyone: relative, partner, friend or co-worker, as long as you talk about yourself. You should not start with the charges, they say, you have not been provided with your need, therefore, the person is already to blame a priori. This is not true. He or she may not be aware of this need.



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