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How flattery affects relationships

Before talking about the use of flattery, you should understand the definition. In general, dictionaries define “flattery” as a deception, the exaltation of someone’s qualities, in order to win over a person and use it. If we take a broader concept, this term can be understood as an exaggeration in the conversation of the positive qualities of the interlocutor.

The positive points of flattery


Relationships are a search for compromise. But such a search is much harder when there is no mutual support and encouragement. A common expression asserts that "women love with their ears," but this is almost the same for men. It is important for both partners to understand that their work is assessed according to merit, and a reasonable moderate use of flattery will only be of help.
For example, a woman cooked a delicious dinner. It seems to be a completely natural function; many men perceive this action as a given, and some even risk criticizing the food served.Nevertheless, the phrase “I have never eaten anything tastier” or “you cook amazingly” will not only give your companion a good mood, which she will try to share with her beloved, but also provoke her to learn new culinary masterpieces. On the one hand, this is flattery, exaggeration, because the dish, perhaps, was not the most delicious in the world. On the other hand, there is an element of harmonious interaction with a partner.
The same goes for admiration for a man. It is possible that in society it is believed that he must necessarily hammer in nails, hang up shelves and repair sockets, but sincere admiration for these actions will never hurt. The phrases “you are a true master” and “you have golden hands” will be perceived positively, even if outwardly the satellite does not show this.

The negative effect of flattery


Problems begin when the flattery of encouragement and support turns into a tool of manipulation: “you are so strong, do this, this and that”, “you are such a good housewife, it will be quite easy for you,” etc. Several times this trick may work, but then the harmony in the relationship will be broken or even lost forever.
Another dangerous moment is flattery from scratch. To exaggerate your impression of the good actions of your partner is one thing, to praise him from scratch is quite another (except for talking about appearance). Such flattery can provoke inaction, apathy and selfishness. The use of flattery should be reasonable, limited, in order to support the partner, and not in an attempt to manipulate him.


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