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9 Signs It's Time to Get a Divorce

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The reasons couples decide to divorce run the gamut — no two couples split for theexactsame reason. Some can no longer figure out how to communicate and others just start hating each other so much they can't even sit on the couch together for the duration of a sitcom. Yet, knowing when you must abort the mission is tough. After all, you've made a commitment that explicitly said you'd stick it out with each other "for better, for worse" — but the worst thing you can do is sacrifice your own health, happiness, and mental clarity. Here are some signs it may be time to walk away.

signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

If you and your spouse recognized your issues were too big to handle on your own and you agreed to work things out in couples' therapy, it's safe to assume that at one time, you both wanted to save your marriage. But if you started therapy and your spouse bailed on sessions or is completely uninterested and disconnected when he or she does attend, it's over. "When one spouse disengages, marriage becomes an uphill battle," explains Amy Saunders, a family and divorce attorney based outside Boston, Massachusetts. "One spouse cannot keep the marriage together." It's a 2-person commitment, so when one is checked out, it's nearly impossible to get back on the same page.

RELATED: 10 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

If you and your spouse always planned to start a family — and then suddenly buying a bigger house or dreamily debating baby names is no more simply because one person doesn't want that anymore — that's bad news. "When you planned your whole life to include children and your spouse suddenly doesn't want that, they're telling you they want a divorce," says Saunders. After all, having a child means that you and your spouse are connected forever. If your spouse knows that he wants a future without you in it, deciding to not have children could be sealing that deal.

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

When your spouse's behavior puts your  own financial resources and credit rating at risk and they refuse to acknowledge the problem, diminish your concerns, or they just  outright lie to you — it's over. "If there's been fiscal malfeasance in your marriage, you must protect yourself," says Tamara Harris Robinson, an expert in high-conflict and protracted divorce proceedings and transitions. "When your spouse has used joint funds to purchase things you did not agree to or to pay for a 'second life' that you don't know about, you're at risk." And that "second life" doesn't just mean supporting a mistress — it also could point to substance abuse, excessive shopping, gambling, strip clubs, or porn. "It's extremely difficult to rebuild trust after that type of financial abuse in the relationship, even with therapy. Your finances impact your future quality of life and when someone violates your ability to be solvent or to save for your future your only viable option may be to file for divorce."

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem
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divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

Every woman has that one deal breaker, a breach in the relationship that you know you can't bounce back from. It's a different trigger for everyone, but they're all equally troubling — think things like hiding a gambling addiction to leaning on a colleague of the opposite sex for emotional support. "If that line is crossed and no amount of apology can make the offense go away, then it's time to get divorced," says Monique Honaman, author ofThe High Road Has Less Traffic. "There are just some wounds that time can't heal." 

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

When all you can think about is setting your partner on fire whenever you see his face — either in person or your mind's eye — and that blood-boiling hatred is so intense you can't even fake it around your kids (or anyone for that matter), that's not good. "When contempt comes out in the form of sarcasm, name calling, and eye rolling, just to name a few, it's difficult to fix because contempt is the result of behavioral or communication problems that should have been addressed and worked on eons before you got to this point," explains Cyndi Doyle, a couples' counselor based in Austin, Texas.

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

This is a tricky one to recognize, because if you are indeed being gaslighted, you probably don't know it — which is the goal of the person gaslighting you. "Gaslighting is a manipulative technique used to gain power and control over someone. This can include feelings and emotions being minimized or dismissed as histrionic, questioning of events or memories, or being told these events and memories are false, and telling the individual that they're crazy," explains Doyle. "And victims of this technique thenfeelcrazy due to their reality regularly being questioned." The worst part is once you realize what's happening, the odds that your husband will respond to therapy or admit the behavior needs to change is unlikely. "Those who demonstrate this type of behavior don't take ownership of it."

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signs divorce
Designed by Megan Tatem

If you've caught your husband having an affair, he promised to stop, and then you caught him again — that's problematic. "Those that keep cheating can't have true empathy. That's shown by way they keep hurting you with these transgressions," says Gary Brown, Ph.D, a counselor in Los Angeles. "It will be painful but you have to let them go.






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Date: 30.11.2018, 02:49 / Views: 62393